Chapter 6 (cont'd)
Time to Chill
'There are so many other factors [besides I.Q.
and academic achievement]... like self-confidence, resilience and passion that are ultimately important. In fact, in
a study done on valedictorians, it was shown that by their late 20s, most had climbed to only an average level of success
in their chosen professions. What really distinguishes highly successful people is that they are highly motivated by their
own desires. It is the spontaneous enjoyment of an activity coupled with hard work that leads to success.
Fear that their
kids will be left behind and that others will get all the good things in life leads parents to think that starting their kids
earlier and pushing them harder is the answer... but there is no evidence that this works. On the contrary, evidence suggests
that letting kids play when they are young, and protecting them from pressure ultimately leads to higher functioning-William
Stixrud Neuropsychologist
From the cover article
Great Expectations: Why do we put so much pressure on our kids?
By Pamela Toutant in Bethesda Magazine, January/February
2006
It's coming to that time, dear friends...
Time to CHILL-step back and count to ten,
and not add
any more stress to what our kids are already feeling.
This journey is not about us, it is about them.
Time
to CHILL and know that
IT IS NOT WHERE ONE STARTS THE GAME,
BUT WHERE ONE ENDS IT.
And where we start has never
been an indicator or a guarantee of where we end up-that is fact.
Time to CHILL-be there as support and balance.
Tell our children yet once again that we believe in them,
that tomorrow is another day,
that we have faith in
both them and tomorrow.
Time to CHILL-not react.
They cannot hear their own thoughts and evaluate and sort,
or even reach out for our guidance
if they are constantly defending themselves from our reactions...
Time
to CHILL-just be there and listen.
The best way we can help our kids is offer Heart, Humor, and Optimism...that is all.
They can do the rest.
They will...
Time to CHILL, dear parents.
I know for those with high schoolers
looking towards college,
it's very hard, almost impossible not to get caught up in the angst, and frenzy, especially
when, as a mother told me the other day, her daughter won't even look at colleges. the mother keeps suggesting weekends,
because she'd like to get a head start-but her daughter has virtually shut down. And I say stop suggesting. Wait. Let her
come to you and say, Mom, I'd like to visit X college. She will. She's a junior. She has time. She's still sorting it all
out. Give her that time.
It's
time to CHILL and ask ourselves how we can build our children's self-confidence;
how we can infuse them with hope;
how we can encourage and support their passions
because if we do just those three things
they will be self-motivated.t
they will work hard.
they will want to achieve.
It's time to CHILL and take a break, count to ten and breathe.
Trust that our kids will
end up where they are meant to be.
And they will accomplish.
PS. That young lady, who had no interest in visiting
colleges, is now happily ensconced going into her sophomore year and thriving!
