Dear Parents,

Before H20 to Go! moves down the road and through one of the rougher patches of its journey, I would like to mention one more aspect of Perspective that is truly left to us. Our priorities, our reactions, our worries, our disappointments will leave their marks on the emotional health of our children.  And nowhere will this be more a fact than for those of us whose children will be applying to private nursery school or kindergarten, grade school or Middle School, High School or College. Nowhere will our nerves be more on edge than in respect to decisions that are out of our control-our children's acceptance or rejections. At no time will it be more important to have some much needed Perspective.

So, here I am! To offer some!  To help you step back and take a longer and wider view so that you can help your children do the same.

The Envelope Please

Before we get into the specifics of school, and helping our kids not get stuck, let^'s talk about us not getting stuck in our own angst-ridden moment in time--as in a crumpled or framed (depending on the contents) envelope that will inform whether our kids have been accepted or rejected by the school of choice It would be unrealistic and unfair, looking back to say-don^'t worry relax, it will all be fine. Even though knowing what I know now, it will, in fact, be ok.  Right now, you^'re too much at the center, juggling your own angst and your child^'s, listening too much to that inner voice needling and hinting-What might we have done better or differently? And why is the selection process so rigid? And if it^'s such a crapshoot, what about all those prep courses-especially when my child does not test well??!!  Or, why do admissions have to discriminate against children with highs and lows, and conclude that because Sammy cannot read well, he will never read well?  And why is there such hesitation with quirky, inquisitive children who ask lots of questions--not because they like to interrupt, but because they have naturally restless, discerning and inquisitive natures? Why is it that Admissions people fail to see our children the way we see them?  You want so much for your child to be acknowledged for all his/her unique attributes and talents. You want him/her to be and feel accepted. You want him/her to thrive and succeed and you think, in spite of your more rational side, that the forthcoming envelope will hold the key.  And, it has been a tough time for your children with the interview process, the entrance exams, the applications-so very unsure, are they still, (you too!) how to isolate rejections, and all too quick to equate a rejection with failure.  But in the end, no matter what, it reflects on us, as parents, right? That is how we feel, if we are being perfectly honest with ourselves-At this moment in time, their success will be our success, their disappointments will be ours, and their sense of themselves will be our sense of ourselves and them.

Well, I am here to offer this advice and consolation: There is a natural, inescapable order to the world. We, as parents, will always be our child^'s first and best advocate until our child can be his/her own. Schools and teachers will always be our child^'s first and best route to knowledge, but not necessarily their personal advocates. We should not approach education thinking that either a school, or its teachers will ^'understand or appreciate our child. Their job actually, is to understand their subjects well, and appreciate the world of learning. True, some schools and teachers will be better at that than others. But, it is left to us, to teach our children how to get along in that natural order, how to best function in it, so they are never victims, and how to take advantage of whatever it has to offer, so they can move beyond, and ultimately succeed.  There is a natural order to acceptances and rejections-Admissions requirements.  Random selectivity A balance of diversity, The necessity to fill a particular need.  It is left to us, to help our children understand that one moment in time-one rejection, one hope dashed, one wish not fulfilled-does not a future determine, nor, a person^'s worth decide. In life, for every rejection there will be an acceptance, for every hope dashed, there will be one realized, for every mark not reached, there will be another surpassed. And a person's worth can only grow over a long period of time. That is the natural order of the world.  Whether our children get into our first choice or theirs makes no difference in the larger scheme of fate. It is what our child DOES with any choice that will determine how far he/she actually travels.  Our children's school life is very long, with many lessons to be learned along the way. So, I leave you with this MomOpinion truism:  IT TRULY MAKES NO DIFFERENCE WHERE OUR CHILDREN GO, IT MATTERS WHAT THEY MAKE OF WHERE THEY GO.  If we can help our little ones explore that notion, our elementary school kids understand that idea, our teenagers accept that fact, our college kids expand on that philosophy, they will have power and control and success will be in their hands.. .to shape and mold.

So now I can say to you, do not worry. They will be end up where they end up for a whole host of reasons that may have nothing to do with the obvious. the logical or the fair.And wherever they are with your support and optimism, they truly can make anything they want happen.  There are no locked doors while growing up. There is no one port of entry on the voyage to achievement. There will be many moments in time. And many chances. This is just the beginning.  And the envelope please...

Next Installment #15