This Website is Dedicated to Helping Families, Teens, and Young Adults
One Issue at a Time,
With Heart, Humor & Optimism!
Humor & Optimism, All Things Are Possible" (Margo Judge)
to the Heart of the Matter should be Our Goal...
About Passion, Dreams and Aspirations:
Gal Gadot- Wonder Woman:
"This profession, the rejection is tough. I had so many almost and another camera test and it was almost
mine. Then another and another. I was telling my husband, I'm not sure how long I can take it. Dragging my family to Los Angeles
doing this, duh duh duh."
I sat with a fourteen
year old, ready to give up on talent she has clearly shown in an activity she dearly loves because she was summarily rejected-turned
down for a coveted spot, in a particularly high stakes competition.
Would it have been enough to remind her of well known successes that had
first met with multiple failures? No. At her age, there isn't yet enough built up perspective on the past to imagine an alternative
future. A 14-year-old does not look back and say how much she has changed or learned since she was six. That six
year old no longer exists in any form. She has transformed and morphed. So, for a young teen, all that exists is the
present, what she can see around her, and what she feels in the moment. The here and now is her whole world fraught with angst,
uncertainly and insecurity.
Would it have been enough to add a reality check? Heads Up! There is no success without failure? The law
of the universe is such that NO ONE gets to have true success without first failure! And more than one! And, she is exactly
where she should be right now? No. While a young person might get that true-ism in the abstract, her reaction to real life
failure/ rejection will be far too dramatic and intense to be zen.
So, what to say?
- First, let's define your passion. (NOT
a person!) What inspires you? Energizes you? Is it a sport, the theater, writing, or music? Are you drawn to medicine,
science, technology? Whatever that passion, you never EVER want to give it up. Your passion is your WHO-your inner truth,
your authenticity and it comes with a voice that must have breath or it will suffocate you.
- Your passion is separate from rejection
or failure. It will experience both rejection and acceptance. It may be rejected because someone recognizes that your
total WHO is not emotionally ready. Yes, you may possess the talent or skill, but not yet the inner stability that failure
grows. A clue? How do you handle mistakes or set backs, obstacles or stress, conflict or criticism. You may have drive but
not yet the emotional resilience needed for continual try outs or contests. If you can't handle losing then you're not ready
for intense competition. . And the universe, in its wisdom, is buying you more time to develop emotional maturity so that
ultimately, you can achieve and sustain success. The more emotional maturity you develop, the more resilience you will demonstrate
and the more likely you are to be recognized in your particular area of talent or skill. (Hint: That is what College Sports
coaches and Scouts look for.)
- About talent: Do you have the potential or not? Are the critics right or not? Are you getting
honest feedback or not? Is your family supporting and encouraging while coaches or professors are not? You want honest, independent
feedback. You want to know if someone, anyone recognizes potential in you. The key word- potential. You want to ask the hard
questions. What are you lacking? How can you improve? What are the decision makers ultimately looking for? Work towards becoming
stronger in areas you are most vulnerable. Then ask again for feedback.
- Realize that not everything is about you. You may be turned down for reasons having nothing to do with your potential,
talents or achievements. Decisions and cuts may have everything to do with a needed balance on the roster or stage, or a personal
favor owed. The world is not always fair. That's life. But also realize, that at some point, if you have the will, the talent
and the skills, you WILL be ultimately be recognized.
So, what to do with a passion? Own it!
- Keep going.
- Keep learning and improving,
- Keep getting back on track, focusing, and inching forward.
- Never allow anyone or anything to shut you down.
- Never give up a passion
that rests so deep in your soul, it aches for expression.That passion is your truth.
- Never silence a voice that booms so loud in your head, that it deafens all else. That voice is your authenticity.
- Never suppress a need to do something that is so powerful,it keeps you up, and obsessed.
That need is your 'meant to do'.
Claim total responsibility for your passion--protect, nourish and exercise it. Accept
disappointment and failure, as much a part of your learning and development as success and rewards.
No more gloom and doom. There is no crying
in dreams and aspirations! Let's see how to get you past set backs and on to the next opportunity; Let's figure out the steps
necessary to move you further along; let's decide on the choices most beneficial for turning a desire into an action plan,
and your dream into reality.
You can do this! You already have, within you, everything you need to make a difference in yourself!
Young Adult Life Coach
ER Coaching in Emotional
What End Do We Want For Our Youth?
Definition of Enabler:
that enables another to achieve an end;
especially one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior
(as substance abuse)
by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior?
We now have a new form of enabler:
one who allows self destructive social behavior to exist by
providing emotional wellness excuses
for not connecting with, conversing with, or living amongst diverse thought
and making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior.
who is leading the New Enabler Movement?
Those in the academic establishment: University professors, college
teachers, campus administrators.
Just as doctors have the power to prescribe anti depressants,
and/or administer powerful anesthetics to the nervous system,
so too, have college heads and faculty
entered a new realm of social medicine,
heavily monitoring exposure and discussion
and freely prescribing
antidotes for any perceived political/ cultural fear, anxiety, or threat.
Do they realize that
this amounts to malpractice? Not to mention, counter intuitive?
Do they understand that instead of protecting and
empowering young minds,
they develop weaker and weaker emotional beings?
Do they recognize
that they cultivate mono cultural dependents,
retreating to cubicles in 'Stepford Wives' type environments,
more and more 'fixes' in order to cope with outside dissent and controversy?
Do they appreciate
that as these young people grow into adulthood,
their lives will grow increasingly resistant to a uniform, cultural
There won't be enough safe spaces to run to and hid in.
And they will retreat in fear, lash
out in anger or give up in cynicism at their dystopian world.
I take this opportunity to apologize
to young adults with whom I have voiced frustration.
I took down my own blog as well as other articles critical
of their behavior.
I don't blame college students. Not their fault.
I hold educators
responsible for students' emotional maturity.
They have the power to expand minds and shape perspective.
more perspective, the more empowerment and the more empowerment, the more resilience.
Trying to 'protect'
students by enabling and enacting avoidance,
does nothing more then send adult toddlers out into the world,
in need of hand holding, at the affect of everything around them,
wholly unprepared to face their present or future,
and sadly, at risk of being addicted to emotional pain killers of all types.
ER Coaching in Emotional Resilience & Readiness
Facebook: Mom Opinion Matters/ER Life Coaching/momopinionmatters.com
Margo Judge (MomOpinion Matters)
MinaNiler, Nom Du Plume for Margo Judge
View from The Paw by Tonka
LinkedIn: Margo Judge
What Education Ought To Look Like:
a true-ism that the greatest indicator of future success and happiness is emotional maturity.
It far outweighs intelligence and/or skills.
If we do not help our children
grow emotional resilience,
then they will not develop the capacity to handle stress, conflict, and disappointment,
nor will they be able to navigate life's inevitable twists
segment of today's youth is coming to young adulthood with a shocking lack of inner fortitude,
aided and abetted by those who believe that young people
need and deserve outside protection from life's injustices.
We do our children no service
when we tell them that world should conform to them,
rather than they to the world.
If children grow up with an understanding that life will not always be fair-
play a sport with an
ump or a ref long enough and you learn that very quickly!
They may not get what they want when they want it!
They will be teased about something, at some point,
gets teased about something at some point!
It comes with the territory of growing up.
Someone, bully or foe, will find an inadequacy, a quirk, a physical disability,
use it as a laser
in order to feel stronger, more empowered, to mask their own failures or insecurities.
It is not the exception to the rule of growing up, it
is the rule of growing up.
I was so passionate about the importance of building emotional
resilience that I devoted a whole on-line book to it!
H2O to Go! How to Raise Emotionally Resilient Children on Heart, Humor and Optimism.
(See box below)
This is a philosophy primer with plenty of stories, examples, tools and exercises
to help children grow
emotional strength through lower, middle and high school.
In college, acquiescing to an 18 and 19 year old's insecurities is counter productive.
Booing a speaker off the stage, putting restrictions
on classroom teaching and/or conversation,
in the name of student sensitivities or rights undermines emotional maturity.
If students are so thin skinned and threatened that they protect themselves by becoming intellectual
they will alway be at the affect
of their environment and their peers
All personal happiness and/or professional success will parallel the level of emotional maturity a young person acquires-
when they can move aside. pull themselves
out. recognize opportunity, and keep moving
Young people have much spirit and passion, will and desire, hope and faith.
They do not need protection. They need empowerment.
If we allow them to grow emotional resilience,
they will develop emotional maturity,
and with emotional maturity will come all the fortitude and energy necessary
to power their goals and aspirations. Promise.
On this Thanksgiving…Gratitude and Blessings
I am grateful for those I love-
My family and my friends.
Thank you for bringing me such
I am grateful for my health,
that I can get up in the morning and see and hear and move.
I am grateful for having a passion-writing-
and that I can compose and
share my thoughts and feelings.
I am grateful to all of you for your interest and your following,
for giving me an opportunity
to share, and make a positive contribution.
On this Thanksgiving,
I know that some of you are in pain.
You are struggling,
You feel lost or scared, or
Just know that pain is neither constant nor forever.
It ebbs and flows, increases and decreases.
Struggle is not a flat, forever plain.
It is always a climb up
Then a climb back down.
If you are lost,
look deep inside for your
What do you value most in life?
Use that light and map.
to guide you to land.
If on the way you encounter fear
Fear is NOT a wall.
It is simply a roadblock.
Do not try to scale it, or destroy it.
Just imagine moving it to the side,
so you can squeeze through.
It is never too big or heavy. Promise.
And if you are lonely on your journey,
accept loneliness as mentor company
there to help you discover
who you really are,
what you are really looking for
On This Thanksgiving,
no matter where we are,
who we are,
what is happening in our lives,
how we are feeling,
there will be at least one
thing or one person or one pet,
we can be grateful for,
give thanks to,
or be blessed by…
FROM THE WEB
concept behind Thanksgiving ceremony celebration, held with a massive zeal in every nook and corner of U.S.,
is similar to the August Moon Festival in China, Tet Trung
Thu in Vietnam, Succoth in Jew, Kwanzaa in Africa, Pongal in India
and Chusok in Korea. The list is endless. The only difference in the festivals is date, rituals
and customs but the reason behind it
the same, to thank God for a huge fruitful harvest.
The Chinese celebrate August Moon festival
that falls on the 15th day of 8th lunar month of their calendar.
Chinese believe that the moon is roundest and brightest on this day. Below the heavenly moonlight,
lovers speak out their heart to each other. It is also
known as Women Festival. Conventionally women are considered similes
to warm and compassionate virtues and have the gift of fertility, just like Mother Earth. Unlike
the famous pumpkin pie,
the Chinese delicacies
consist of moon-cake. Friends and relatives convey their regard to each other by gifting moon cake.
The Roman harvest festival known as Cerelia was celebrated in the honor of the deity Ceres (Goddess of
Their festival commenced on October
4th and it was a custom to first produced fruits, grains and animals to the Goddess.
Music, parades and sports extended the glee of the ceremony.
The Brazilian thanksgiving is quite contemporary compared to American thanksgiving.
When the Ambassador of Brazil visited U.S. at the invitation of National Cathedral
of Washington, D.C.,
he was enamored by
the concept and brought it to his homeland. In southern Brazil, it is a sort of expressing gratitude
to Almighty for an enormous harvest. Though acclaimed for its Carnival celebrations
they cannot be undermined in other festivities.
The celebration falls on 15th
of August, which is known as Chu-Sok (meaning "fall evening").
It begins on 14th night and continues for three days. Koreans make a dish called 'Songpyon'
unique for that occasion
consisting of rice,
beans, sesame seeds and chestnuts. Before having the food, the family gathers beneath the moonlight,
in remembrance of their ancestors and forefathers. The children dress in long-prescribed
dress dancing in circle
with an inherent
desire of their blessing."
It has been a long
time since I posted on my site!
I have been
writing a book-Young Adult Fiction-that I hope to share with you soon!
Since I am here now, let's talk a little.
All my young adult friends out there, how are you doing?
How is school and grad school, work and relationships?
What I am hearing is that you ladies have big conflicts
jobs and relationships.
Should you relocate to be
with a boyfriend?
Should you give up a career
to have a child?
Should you get married, not get married?
Live with someone, not live with someone?
So let me share some thoughts:
to relocate, or give up your space or independence,
want some co-commitment in your relationship
What does that
It means that both you AND your partner agree
to commit to each other in some equal way.
It does NOT mean giving up your apartment,
to another town or city to be with someone
YOU love that person.
Yes, of course you want to love someone
before you even think of changing your life around for him/her,
but love in itself is not enough.
Someone telling you he/she would be lonely without you is not enough.
You being lonely without that person is not enough.
Are you getting my drift here?
Ladies, when you think about making a major change FOR someone,
you want to ask yourself WHY?
are some negative why's:
1) I need to make my partner
feel that I am committed to the relationship.
don't want my partner to feel that I am only thinking about myself
If I don't do this I will blame myself, that I am weak.
I am afraid the person will say I don't love that person enough
and leave me altogether, if I don't agree to go,
I am too lonely. I need to be with someone.
Why are these reasons negative? Because they come from need and from
No action can ever have positive resusts that
An action is positive when it come
You want to make a conscious choice to
and then be willing to take full responsibility
for its consequences.
some questions to ask yourself about your relationship,
you consider changing jobs, or relocating for someone else:
questions will help you discover if you are coming from want or need:
1) Am I willing to take a risk on this relationship, knowing full well that
I cannot predict its outcome?
2) Am I going to take
responsibly for my partner's insecurities, and override my own values?
3) Is who I am enough for my partner? Am I going to change to please my partner?
3) If it does not work out, will I be angry or vengeful, will I feel inadequate,
4) If I am afraid he will leave
me if i don't go with him,
then will I always be afraid he is going to leave me?
. Do I want to be manipulated that way?
5) Can I handle loneliness or do I always need to be with someone?
6) How much will I compromise to please someone who makes me feel wanted?
7) Do i have a bottom line? What is it?
for thought before you get on the road...
And NO TEXTING!!!!!!
to you soon!
Take good care,
One of the most amazing developmental gifts
we can give our children is travel.
the mind to curiosity and questioning. It heightens awareness and awakens the senses.
It takes us outside our comfort zone, and offers
an opportunity to observe with fresh eyes,.
teaches and/or adds to our greater knowledge and insights.
Travel does not have to be far--it just has to be different.
Travel does not have to be expensive-just rich in sights and sounds.
Travel does not have to take a lot of time--just
enough to make it a memorable experience.
By exhibit, or book, by road trip or train ride--by
flight to visit relatives, or to a foreign land,
travel will grow curious, insightful, resilient and knowledgeable beings!
Happy Explorations and safe and wondrous Travels!
Margo Judge, CPC
Life & Family Coach
Two Books of
Note for the New Year,
For All who
Dream and Seek New Adventures:
NOT A BOX, by Antoinette Portis- (Theordre Suess Geisel Honor )
The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore
by William Joyce
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...
there is something you must always remember.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll
always be with you.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie the P
| || |
A lot of
growing up takes place between "It fell" and "I dropped it." - Unknown
First things first-Look up--not
at the ground. You know what shoes you put on, but what is the sky wearing?
This is the future of Education! Great Concept!
Watch this TED Talk-
TED Talk- Khan Academy--Future of Education
H20 to Go!
Growing Emotional Resilience & Navigating Through Childhood
With Heart, Humor & Optimism
STOMP Out Bullying™ announces the launch
of its Help Chat Line for youths 13-24 ONLY who are victims of bullying and who are at-risk for suicide.
The Chat is manned by trained volunteers. The Help Cat Line is NOT
available to adults. To Chat with a trained counselor visit www.stompoutbullying.org
and click on NEED HELP?
(The best Child Abuse & Safety Website!)
(Absolutely a must for all teenage girls and mothers!)
(Terrific for all sorts of specific issues. Very
(An Overview of the H20 Philosophy)
'It's a pity how many people tell me that they didn't enjoy lessons
as a child, and found their teacher too strict or unapproachable.
I've never understood why power over someone is more appealing to people than the power to excite
them over something.'